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Sitting by the window,
I saw them coming.
Volunteers from an NGO,
To provide with teaching.

Here some appreciate them,
While others don’t.
Some tried to threaten,
With a taunt.

Some called them in,
while some closed the doors.
They just want us to soar.

They are not wrong,
Some of them shows sympathy.But
I was ordered, to
make money from the rooms that are empty.

Watching all this,
Just like an ember.
Through my window,
I remember.

When I was in the womb,
I heard some noise.
Few were yelling,
Outside with a raised voice.

My mother was disturbed,
so was I.
But I can feel,
My mother cry.

Through her eyes,
I can see whats going.
Through her ears,
I can hear unknowing.

*THUD* The door opened,
I saw someone approaching her.
Can’t recognize,
As the image was blur.

That image,
It spoke into my mother’s ear.
Those words,
I could hear very clear.

“No girl this time, We need a boy!”,
is all it said.
“Please don’t do this”,
My mother pled.

For her,
It was quite dense.
For me,
It hardly made any sense.

Later that year,
I finally opened my eyes.
Everyone could hear,
My dull cries.

I knew,
I was shinning like a pearl.
Someone yelled it’s a GIRL.

I was crying,
So was my mother.
My grandma was sad,
so was my father.

Afterward i found out,
I already have a sister.
Couldn’t understand her,
Because she was a toungle twister.

Day by day,
We became good friends.
One day she left me and went away,
Because she had to get married as per the trends.

As the time passed by,
I grew.
Hated by many,
But loved by few.

Between this love and hate,
I have lot of memories.
within few date,
even i got married.

It was a drastic change,
Although I didn’t wanted to.
I was just 16, and
He was 32.

He was a monster,
He did not have a heart.
He was the one, who
tore me apart.

Few days since then,
He died by an accident.
Everyone blamed me,
And cursed for that incident.

I was thrown out,
Was told to be a bad luck.
I was considered as a toy,
just like a wooden duck.

When the days were hard,
and nights were difficult to survive.
I met her,
And my hopes came alive.

She gave me food, and
Clothes to wear.
She healed me , when
pain was not easy to bear.

But whatever happens,
there is always a reason behind it.
This time,
life gave me a strong hit.

She brought me here,
The place where I belong now.
She offered me a deal,
which my heart didn’t allow.

She got offended,
as I disagreed.
She threw me to a stranger,
For my body to be feed.

That night was dark,
So was my life.
I couldn’t go back,
past was more difficult to strive.

That night was dark,
So was my life.
I couldn’t run away,
future was worse to survive.

That night was dark,
So is my life.
Would you prefer to call me, as
your sister/ your aunt or your wife?

Every night since then,
I lay dead-alive on a haunting bed.
with my soul,
almost dead.

Every night since then,
I get ready to be ripped again.
By a stranger,.
With lust in his vein.

Thats disgust me, when
he calls “Hi Honey”.
But I greet him with a smile,
For his money.

Education is great,
But still what is my future.
Would you prefer me as your teacher?

Whore, Prostitute, Hooker, Sex Worker or Call girl
I have many name.
It is a fame,
Completly covered with the shame.

I have accepted this,
Nobody have the right to ask me why.
But there are many who wants to fly.

This is my palace,
This is my home.
Here I shine,
Like a chrome.

At this part of the town,
I wear my own crown.
Here I do rejoice,
I am here by my choice.

I do have feelings,
I do have voice. But still
I am here,


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Aparajeeta Rout

6 thoughts on “HERE BY MY CHOICE…

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